Woman Told to Dump Husband After 5-Year Affair 'Don't Waste Anymore Time'
A woman posting on social media about her difficulties in moving on from her husband's five-year affair is being urged to cut her losses and end the marriage.
In a post shared to Mumsnet, a user writing as Hopelessromatic explained that while she has taken him back after he cheated, he "never wants to talk about the affair" and instead "wants to sweep it under the carpet and just move on."
Unfortunately for him, she has been unable to move on and is unsure whether she will be able to "ever trust him again," prompting some online to suggest the only option from here is divorce.
Regaining the trust in a relationship after infidelity is not impossible, but it is undoubtedly difficult. In a survey of 441 people who admitted to cheating, conducted by healthcare company Health Testing Centers, just 15.6 percent said they and their partner stayed together after the truth emerged.
Yet, the situation is further complicated by the fact the woman sharing her story online is a 51-year-old mother of three and, by her own reckoning, has "no interest in starting over and trying to find love elsewhere."
Even so, she acknowledged her "mental health has suffered" and she remains "unhappy" at the current state of affairs.
"Sometimes I feel I'm in a no win situation," she wrote. "If I end marriage I'm leaving the only man I've ever loved, but if I stay I'm reminded everyday of his affair."
According to the post, part of the problem is the fact he refuses to talk about what happened and "walks away" anytime she becomes upset.
"I'm not sure if he is remorseful," she said. "He won't answer any questions I have about the affair, saying I'm exaggerating everything when I'm clearly not as a 5 year affair is hardly nothing."
She said she only discovered he was cheating after overhearing him tell the other woman he loved her, though he still denies ever saying this. Worse still, she's not entirely sure it's over.
"Sometimes I wonder if he is still in contact with her as he is very protective with his phone, often refusing to show it to me," the woman wrote.
The post sparked many to call on her to make the difficult decision to end her marriage now rather than prolong her pain any further.
"I don't think it can work," Menopants wrote. "You need a fresh start. 51 is nothing, to be honest being alone will be better than living In the shell of a dead relationship."
"The fact that he wants to sweep it under the carpet is an issue," Greenmanalishi said. "That's unfortunately not his call, unless you want to do the same thing. Whatever you do, don't stay with him because you feel you have no better option."
Another user, posting as Purpleboy, went further still, writing: "I don't think the affair has ended. On top of that there is no remorse, no allowing you to work through it. I know it seems scary, but 51 is still young, don't waste any more time."
Mostlydrinkstea felt the woman was "grieving" for the marriage she thought she had, but was entirely within her rights to.
"A five year affair is a huge betrayal of trust. He has lied and put you second for a long time," they said. "It may be possible to heal from this but he is going to have to do the work and it sounds like he is still sulking from being found out."
Others, however, felt there was no way back. Ladybugzrock said: "A remorseful partner does not walk away when you get upset. A remorseful partner does not refuse to answer your questions. A remorseful partner does not continue to sneak around on his phone."
"I think you need to end it, to end your anguish," KangarooKenny, meanwhile, surmised. "If he wanted to make this better he would answer all your questions and be open with his phone, to show he isn't hiding anything. But he's not."
Newsweek contacted Hoplessromatic for comment.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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